Category Archives: Personal

Turning the Clock Back

It’s that season once again… no not Christmas this hasn’t been Christmas for way to freaking long it’s BUYMECRAPMAS!!!!!

In the Spirit of BuymeCrapmas I’ve written a little caroal – still a WIP but her it is so far – Buy Me Crap – (to the tune of let it snow)

Buy Me Crap

Oh the children’s faces are Frightful
Buy the wrong toys they’ll be spitefull
No time to give presents a Wrap
Buy me Crap! Buy me Crap! Buy me Crap!

Tis the season for shopping
This damn list will keep he hopping
No time to take a nap
Buy me Crap! Buy me Crap! Buy me Crap!

When we finally finish the lists
How I’ll hate to see the Credit Card Bill
Money will really be tight
Next year I’ll be paying Still

My funds are quickly dying
And the brats are still freaking Buying
I’m about ready to snap
Buy me Crap! Buy me Crap! Buy me Crap!


I understand some of you are Atheists, or Jewish, or Satanists or (insert belief or lack thereof system here) but I dont’ piss on your holidays please don’t piss on mine.

For the rest of us that actually celebrate Christmas – let us please try to get our holiday back on track – I’m not saying to not buy your kids or (insert gift recipient here) but can we make sure to make the holiday into more than just the presents.  Remind our kids what the season is about, what it meant, what it is supposed to still mean.  This time of year is not just about the birth of our savior but also about rebirth, the days start getting longer, the rebirth of the light, love for our fellow man no matter what the fuck they believe.  Lets take the holiday back from the stores and put it back in our hearts where it belongs….  I’m getting off my soapbox now.

and I hope you have a lousy buymecrapmas but a wonderful Christmas, and if you don’t celebrate Christmas I still wish you a wonderful one on top of whatever you do celebrate this time of year unless of course it is buymecrapmas…


State of the Dork Address

Hey Folx it’s your favorite slackass… That’d be me if i’m not your favorite slackass… well I’ll go cry in my beer later.

Gearing up to Try to get back into the pimpage again, yeah you’ve heard it before and likely will hear it again… hopefully not for a while and hopefully I’ll get back in the swing of things soon.

Ma isn’t doing well, so my head is not in a  good space right now she’s not eating which means she’s getting weaker her immune system is still tanked her medsd aren’t doing a fucking thing yet the doctors still insist she purchase them (If I find out that any of her docs are getting kickbacks on those useless drugs they refuse to take her off of even though they aren’t having any effect I’ll make sure they never practice medicine again if I have to chew their freaking fingers off to do so) She goes in Friday for a pic line (feeding line) so they can get nourishment in her and maybe some antibiotics – If her cardiologist signs off on it she goes in to have about 75% of her colon removed and the rest resectioned on the 8th.  My Ma’s health has been part of the family drama that has had me on the sidelines most of the year between that and issues with my 18 year old it’s been a dramatic year… have I mentioned I hate Drama.

Things are starting to wind down I hope to start making semi regular posts this month but we all know how many times I’ve said that in the past.

If you could spare a moment and send some positive thoughts or prayers or white light ( or whatever your belief or lack thereof system uses) my ma’s way I appreciate it greatly.  Her name is Shirley Asplund.  She’s the toughest person I know and she’s in the most agony I’ve ever seen her.

At this stage I wish her peace and to be free of pain… Whether in life or death, I just want her suffering to end, you bet your ass I’d prefer in life if I can have it, but I’m not that selfish of a prick to demand my mother live in agony just because I can’t let go.

Back in Black….and white…

Okay Random Pimpage is about ready to start coming back to life, it’ll likely live up to it’s name to start and just be random postings until I can get everything back into some semblance of chaos I can work in… order just doesn’t work for me… sorry about the hiatus but I needed to get some things right in my life, and in my own headspace before I continued.

I still plan on doing the worthy causes segment, I still plan on doing 8 questions.  I think I’m going to do them the way I truly meant for them to be.  I ‘m also going to work up to ACTUALLY interviewing some people.  Eventually I plan on adding audio here and some segments may be moving to audio.  And of course I plan on doing random pimpage to give a people their due that are doing a hell of a job, not just in podio / blogoshphere but wherever I see it even in meatspace.

I may start going against my if you can’t say anything nice just shut your freaking trap policy that I have here on this blog and you might see some rants.

I still have obligations to get out of the way, just thought I’d throw out a heads up that I am not gone, I have not given up on blogging / podcasting / writing I just have to get the rest of my ducks in a column (I hate rows) so that I can actually do it all and not melt down, and not have them conflict with each other.  I have way to freaking many hobbies and really need to cut some out.

So in short I am not back yet.. but soon….

God Bless and have a blast, and as always take it lite.


Going Dark

There are some things I need to address in meatspace and while I’m addressing them my creative efforts will be taking a break.

Nobody is Ill or Injured, there is no major earth shattering issue that needs support from the community. – There are just some things I need to take care of for my family’s sake and my own so my energies are better focused there than finding media to review, or working on my own creative efforts.

Thanks for your understanding, and patience at this time.

I plan to return, just not sure when.

Tuesday’s Causes – Special Over Sized Edition

Once Again it’s time for Tuesday’s Cause –

There are still 2 VERY worthy causes here in our own online community that could still use your help they are the Legal Defense Fund to Help SVAllie with her legal costs from her custody battle to keep the EP (Her daughter the Elf Princess) with her and the Trust for Sonic Boom (SB is Tee Morris’s daughter and recently tragedy struck taking Tee’s Wife Natalie.)

Help out if you can if not with a few $$$ with some encouragement, prayer, or time.

But there are a lot of causes out there that we don’t see, children that need a transplant families effected by disaster, and nations effected by even larger disasters.   Take a moment today and pray or send positive thoughts / energy (whatever your “thing” is) and if you got a spare dime chip it in to help a cause, or better yet donate some time to help a cause along or even a shoulder or an ear to someone that is effected by a tragedy.

Double stuffed post here today as well.  Today I’d like to talk about Make A Wish Foundation, and Ronald McDonald House.

Sunday was the two year anniversary of my niece Sharon Marie Reed passing.  This time of year leaves the Asplund family a little fucked up.  This post is in memory of Share Bear Reed.

I’m a little teary because of thinking about the post that went up just before this one so this is gonna be a quick in out.

The Make a Wish Foundation is a very worthy cause helping terminal children’s wishes and dreams come true.  What more worthy cause can there be than to give hope, strength and joy to children with life-threatening medical conditions..  You don’t just have to throw money at the problem you can donate time and talent as well.

Make A Wish Foundation Website –

The Ronald McDonald House is a charity that helps families stay close to their children when they are hospitalized away from home.  It provided Sheila with a place to stay just blocks from Children’s memorial in case something happened she could remain close.  Their website can say it a lot better than I can.

Ronald McDonald House Website –

Screw it I’ll toss two more things out there – In Chicago it’s Children’s Memorial, in Indianapolis it’s Riley’s, and there is St. Jude’s for children with cancer, and there are many others out there that I don’t know of, but I know every so often local business will always sell boots eggs balloons, pumpkins, etc depending on the time of year to help out local children’s hospitals.  Find one close by do what you can for them.

Lastly this seems like a morbid thing to bring up, and as a parent I’m creeped the hell out by it but it’s still something that needs to be thought about.  Organ donation, not only by you but heaven please forbid our children.  Sharon was on a transplant list before she passed sadly her body was past the point of no return when a heart that matched became available.  Your gift could prevent someone else from going through the pain of losing a loved one.  I’m not saying you must donate your, or your kids organs because that decision is not the right one for everyone but think about it.  I mean if I expect someone to donate to save my life or my child’s, what right do I have to say no if the tables were reversed?

Donate Life America Website –

The Governments Organ and Tissue Donation Initiative –

Hit me up at with the Subject Tuesday Cause if you have a cause you want / need me to pimp.  There are plenty of people out there that need a hand, not just a hand out.  See who you can help today.

In Memory of the Bear.

Before I post today’s worthy causes I wanted to take a moment and share   a little something.  3-28-2008 My niece Sharon Marie Reed passed on she was 12.  She was disconnected from life support after months of battling for her life against her own body.  Today’s Worthy Causes will be dedicated in her honor.  I love you Share Bear, and I miss you like mad.

The following are from a couple of posts that I put on her care pages shortly after her passing.  The first is a poem by Rudyard Kipling and the second was something I dashed off in remembrance of Sharon, that my sister ended up having me read at Sharon’s service.

Just something I’d like to share…..


If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,

If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

–Rudyard Kipling

Grieve not For Sharon
Grieve not for Sharon’s loss because she lost nothing, she gained life eternal with our lord Jesus Christ and the almighty God our heavenly father. She is home with her father now. Remember her full of life, she never wasted a second of it. Remember that devilish grin, that spark of trouble in her eye. God has called Sharon home, and she has heeded his call so do not grieve for her, she is without pain, and she waits for us to join her at the table of our father God.

Grieve for yourselves, and for us, we have lost a truly remarkable friend, and loved one. Grieve for us, we lost a fantastic example of how to love God even in the darkest moments of our life, how to keep pressing forward when all looks lost. Grieve for all the lessons that we took for granted while we had her here with us, Grieve for the lessons that will not come in the future.

She was full of live never wasting a second of it.

She was full of love.

She was also full of pee and vinegar.

Remember her and the lessons that we should have learned sooner through this little miracle.
1) Never falter in your love of God and Jesus
2) Never falter in your love of family and friends
3) Never falter in your love of mankind
4) Live each moment enjoy each second of your life don’t watch it go by go run after it tackle it, then tickle the hell out of it.

I’m gonna miss you being around kiddo, I love you very much, but your home with your daddy now and God.

I’m sorry that you only briefly got to see Sera, but at least she got to meet one of the strongest people I ever knew, and loved.

You’ll never leave us as long as we carry you in our hearts and minds you were one of the greatest miracles in this family, and reminder to fight, and to love with all your heart all the time. Thank you baby doll for everything you gave us.

Fly home to the your Daddy, and to God on the wings of angels.
till we next meet I love you and I’m gonna miss you, but I will see you again.

Father in heaven, thank you for the time that we had with Sharon, thank you for the love and light she brought in our lives, please help us have the strength to get through this ordeal, and remind us not of her at the time of her passing but her in her life. She was full of life, in her short life she never wasted any of it she loved and enjoyed her life nearly always grinning that evil little smile.
We don’t know why you took her from us, we may not understand that lesson or reason for some time we beg of you lord the strength to endure until we can understand, we beg that you grant us the ability to not harden our hearts in this dark hour. Sharon has come home and she is with you and Tim now, that I thank you. Amen

Tuesday’s Worthy Causes

Once Again it’s time for Tuesday’s Cause –

There are still 2 VERY worthy causes here in our own online community that could still use your help they are the Legal Defense Fund to Help SVAllie with her legal costs from her custody battle to keep the EP (Her daughter the Elf Princess) with her and the Trust for Sonic Boom (SB is Tee Morris’s daughter and recently tragedy struck taking Tee’s Wife Natalie.)

Help out if you can if not with a few $$$ with some encouragement, prayer, or time.

But there are a lot of causes out there that we don’t see, children that need a transplant families effected by disaster, and nations effected by even larger disasters.   Take a moment today and pray or send positive thoughts / energy (whatever your “thing” is) and if you got a spare dime chip it in to help a cause, or better yet donate some time to help a cause along or even a shoulder or an ear to someone that is effected by a tragedy.

Alzheimer’s.  It’s ugly.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to have it but I know what it’s like to watch one of the brightest wonderful women I ever knew spiral down into it’s depths.  I was in my mid twenties, I worked midnights at a factory at that time and my gramma was over spending the weekend.  I was watching TV at 12:30 AM because I couldn’t sleep and I had to work the next night so I had to keep my body in schedule.  Gramma came tearing out of the back bedroom no clue where the hell she was trying to figure out where she was, and saying she had to get home to Ezra.  Ezra Brady, my maternal grandfather passed away more than a decade before I was born.  I had to explain to her that Ezra died a long time ago.  Now this still fucks me up to this day.  Because I explained to her that the only Grandfather I knew was Harold Elliot.  She then stated she meant that she had to get home to Harold.  Not only did I have to tell her that her first husband was dead but that her second husband had been dead for about decade at that point as well.  I had to explain to her who her youngest daughter was (my mother) and that I was her grandson.  I didn’t even have the disease and it hurt me hardcore.  I never want to be the one to explain that a loved one passed on ever again.  (And to those in the military / police /fire departments/ medicine that get stuck with the job my heart goes out to you I don’t know how you can do it and not crawl inside a bottle and just stay there).  This is something that I fight with everyday, because my paternal gramma started sliding down the same slope as well, though we were too far away to witness it first hand it’s still painful to know that two of the people you love most in this life had their feet cut out from under them living a half life because of this illness.  One day I will very possibly be sliding down that same slope.  The only comfort I have is it seems that when my gramma had her episodes she was usually in a good place in her past.  Small consolation but I’m glad that it was that rather than darker more painful memories.  I’ve seen what Alzheimer’s can do to a family.  I’ve seen what it can do to the body.  It’s a horrible disease and one that I feel needs attention brought to it as many people prefer to just sweep it under the rug.  There’s more than just the disease here that we can concentrate on.  We need to make sure that our loved ones that are afflicted with this evil curse, are cared for and cared ABOUT.  Too many members of my extended family treated my gramma poorly after she was in it’s clutches.  A Touch, a simple I love you, just being there while they’re terrified to give them love and an attempt at understanding this can give them so much more than gold and jewels and money thrown at the problem.  Giving them dignity instead of derision.  Letting them have their humanity instead of feeling like a caged animal.  These are just as important as finding a way to stop, this illness and cure it’s victims.

For mote information about resources and the disease itself please take a look at the following links.

Formerly – –

Yes I know wikipedia isn’t the be all end all of knowledge but still –

Alzheimer’s .org –

Alzheimer’s Foundation of America –

PS This is something very close to me and my family.  I can handle jokes about and at the disease itself, but I swear to all that is holy I catch anyone making fun of or screwing witht eh mind of a victim / patient they will have size 13EW boot from not only a Mad Viking but a pissed off one someplace very uncomfortable, and no I’m not talking about the back seat of a freaking VolksWagon

Hit me up at with the Subject Tuesday Cause if you have a cause you want / need me to pimp.  There are plenty of people out there that need a hand, not just a hand out.  See who you can help today.

Thanks for your time today.

Behind the 8 Podcast – Gearing up for a Podcast

The original idea behind Random Pimpage and 8 Questions stems from the Behind the 8 Podcast that I’ve been wanting to start up for a couple of years now.  With the new laptop here and an H2 on the way it looks like it may become a reality sooner than I expected.  I’m going to take advice from some of the greats out there and not post the first one until I have a buffer of at least 4 or 5 finished podcasts ready for post.  I’m always willing to learn more about Podcasting from those that have made it great.

Behind the 8 is gonna be a lot like a long form of following me on twitter.  It’s gonna be filled with Rich’s Rants, Pimpage, 8 Questions and life lessons learned from a life spent living behind the 8 Ball all with a healthy dose of the mad viking’s humor and sarcasm and hopefully it will be just as entertaining.  One feature that I wanted to do has been Two Fat Guys on a Couch Media Review – Reviews for the rest of us.  I just need to find another fat guy to help out with that feature.

If you’d be interested in the podcast leave a comment.  If you think i suck and that you’d rather stuff your ears with fire ants coated in flesh eating bacteria than listen to me… well you can piss up a rope but leave a comment first.  Advice?  Offers of help?  Willingness to be a guest or interviewee, again please leave a comment

Answers to 8 Question Reversal Part 2

Okay here are the answers to the questions from Michael Falkner aka @Womprat99 on twitter , Odin aka @Odin1Eye on twitter, Nathan Lowell aka @NLowell on twitter,  Brand Gamblin aka @BrandG on twitter.  Really Fun and interesting Questions Guys Thanks. – Lot more thought Provoking in this batch.

I’ll go more thought-provoking. 🙂

1. Why do you like Vikings so much?

Well I have an equal fascination of all the cultures that I’m descended from The Norse – German and Swedish happen to be the largest part of my heritage, but I’m fascinated by all things Irish too.  But I’m 6’4” extra fatass build I look like I should be swinging a warhammer instead of fixing computers so the Viking look kinda just sticks.

2. If you were granted the ability to travel back in time and fix one thing in your life, what would it be and why?

Nothing if I change anything there’s no guarantee that I’d be with the woman I married, or have my kids.  All the crap I’ve endured in my life, the headaches the heartaches are worth the time I have with them. And I’d gladly suffer through it a thousand times to keep ending up with them each time.

3. What is Farscape?

Kickass Show from the 90’s that I was able to catch like half the first season before I wasn’t able to watch it anymore and forgot all about it til you brought up the Scapecast a few months ago… now when I get time and money to hit Best buy I’m gonna see if I can get a season or two.

4. If you in the present could call yourself at the age of 15, what would say? The phone call is limited to five minutes.

Richie shut the hell up let me speak and listen carefully.  Stop Rolling your eyes dumbass I’m you I know what you’re doing.  Gramma is right – Life is gonna suck but those dark points are worth it, you end up with a woman that you’d die for and who’d die for you.  Keep your head up and enjoy the bright points while you can suffer through the shit, because in the end it all works out and is worth it.  The bright points will return and be that much more sweet.

5. What crappy movie do you consider a guilty pleasure?

When I was younger it was Deathstalker 2 or 3.  Damn near anything by full Moon Entertainment or Tromaville.  Yeah I’m a cheesy horror film junkie.  If you ask my wife and Kids they’d say my guilty pleasure crappy movie would be Casablanca because all their taste is in their mouth – Casablanca is one of my faves now that I actually watched it – has been for about a decade now

6. What is love?

The one thing that makes all the headache and heartache worth it.  The thing that give me a reason to press on through the worst of my depressions when they kick in.  The reason I want to start living a healthier lifestyle because now I have a reason to live.  That thing that makes it impossible to be pissed at someone beyond a moment and just becomes more powerful because they pissed you off.

7. If you could add an extra day to the week, what would you do with it?

Spend time with my wife and kids.  We run too much during the week I have a 3 hour commute each way I get home they’re about ready for bed, Saturday Misty watches her sister’s kids so we really only get Sunday but we’re so worn out that we just detox from stress rest and play WoW – and Extra day would allow us to actually do family things go hiking play at the park etc.

8. You are approached with the opportunity to rule the world for one week with the caveat that you cannot leave the post voluntarily until the week is over. You take the job, and Monday morning you find yourself in the office behind the big desk. What do you do for the next seven days?

Wonder why the hell I agreed to this, I promised myself I’d never do this.  Then go over the list of issues that I need to address figure out the ones I can’t handle delagate those, then dig in to fix what I think I can (which is prolly what the menu will be for the week). And then hire my Wife as an Intern and go all Bill Clinton on her ass.

Michael Falkner said this on February 5, 2010 at 10:21 am

Sorry, for the delay… Here they are:

1. If Misty were a fruit, which fruit would she be?

Well I’d say peach but she hates peaches (so it actually kinda fits because of her self esteem issues though I don’t understand why she has them because I think she’s fucking awesome) but I don’t want her to hate herself, and while she’s the apple of my eye I’d like to say kumquat but that’s just because it’s a funny word and not that she has any kumquat similarities in fact all I know about kumquats is they have a funny name are orangeish and sound very naughty when you say their name, so I’d have to go with strawberries… can be amazing just plain and fresh and innocent, but very decadent at the same time with the right preparation.

2. Why don’t you have a pimp hat and coat on for your avatar (photoshop dude)?

Because everybody digs the Viking Helm… plus I’m actually trying to figure out a way to make my own hats – yes I’m really that fucking nerdy.  And Crossbreed pimp hats and Fedoras with viking helmets…Face it the Viking archeologist and Viking Pimp need their hats too…

3. Who would you rather meet Shia Le Bouf or Tom Cruise (have to choose)?

Tom Cruise but Top Gun Era Tom Cruise. – -Because Top Gun was one of my Fave movies of all time I wore out 2 VHS tapes and if I could wear out the DVD I would have a few times over by now.  And like I do with RP now I’d like to thank him for a movie that entertained me so much.

4. Why?

Okay getting All philosophical on me now?  Because if we don’t the gerbils will spontaneously evolve opposable thumbs and drive Richard Gere and the Backdoor.. errr street Back Street Boys around like flesh mechs and take over Nevada.

5. Jen or Angelina

Frankly though both are lovely ladies, Neither Misty Hands down Every single time…  I love my wife I need no other woman, I want no other woman, and I’m going to enjoy Misty for as long as God lets me.  (Folks I’m born and raised Indiana Boy – My Pops is from backwoods Wisconsin – yes I can really be and am this way.  I’ve seen what cheating in a relationship can do to everyone else in the family I will not do anything to jeopardize my family, and our happiness)

6. Which character in which podcast would you like to be?

For the real answer to that I have to finish writing Nightgames and Podcast it, or Bear of Avalon/Caledonia still fiddling with the title on that one.  But as neither of those are anywhere near completion…. I’d have to say Minor Character Crew member of Rafe’s Crew from Morevi.  Don’t want to be in the limelight just come to the party, and I can’t imagine anyone’s party being cooler than Rafe’s

7. Which podcasters would make you turn all fanboi?

Sigler, Tee, PG Holyfield, JC Hutchins, Nathan Lowell, they’re all truly great authors, and great guys that take the time to actually talk to not AT fans.  Tracy Hickman Should be part of that list to, I always forget about Dragon Hearth and I can’t figure out why.

8. Which Python skits can you recite from memory?

Depends.. I have a very odd mind  I used to be able to do Holy Grail from Beginning to end and Meaning of Life Beginning to end, as well as a few skits from the show.  Right now because I’m trying to think of them they are fleeing like cockroaches – I have a very strange memory that chooses to recall data usually at inappropriate moments – like reciting parts of the Spanish Inquisition skits during Church.

odin1eye said this on February 5, 2010 at 11:16 am

1. Niesche or Kafka?

Kafka just freaked me the hell out with Metamorphosis so ummm I don’t know they were both decent reads when I read them back in HS and College but they’re a little heavy for the reading I normally like doing.  I guess Kafka, I think Nietzsche is a little heavy handed for my taste.  He seemed more worried about superiority than Kafka did from my recollection.

2. What made you decide to do Random Pimpage and what do you like LEAST about it?

I’ve wanted to do something like this for years, but what actually kicked me in the ass was JC Hutchins.  He was promoting for Personal Effects: Dark Art – and he was asking all his followers on twitter to shake their tales and do some pimpage for him.   So I figured I’d start randomly pimping the Podcasters and Authors I follow in Twitter.  Well you’ve seen my pimpage 140 chars doesn’t quite measure up.  So I started yet another Blog and actually started linking to it so people could actually see it.  Then I moved it over to a wordpress blog because I think it makes it a lot easier to manage and track.  What do I like least.  The effort I have to put out sometimes when I just feel like hell.  Yeah I’m just a faceless.. well okay I do post my mug up for everyone to see but still in the grand scheme of things I’m pretty faceless, slacker that really isn’t beholden to anybody so it really doesn’t matter if I miss a posting but I feel guilty.  And sometimes the Tuesday’s causes that I started make me feel a little down about myself because I should be doing more to help those around me.

3. Betty or Wilma?

Something tells me that Betty could totally take Wilma in a steel cage deathmatch… that was the question right?

4. Do you think that podcast fiction is a distinct artform different from – say serialized text? Why or why not?

Yes.  As far as just an artform I feel that different writing styles and painting styles etc should count as their own artforms.  More specifically I think that Podcasting and Podcasting fiction has more power to sway and influence than text.  Great authors can sway with just words on paper but the voice is a VERY powerful tool in influencing emotion and perception.  I think Podcasting fiction give it a lot more power makes it almost palpable.

5. How many fingers am I holding up?

Technically fifteen… though why you’re holding a dismembered hand…. with Elvis’s fingerprints… ummmm SECURITY!!!!!

6. When will you do your own podcast and what will it be about?

I’ve been planning on releasing the Behind the 8 Podcast for close a year now but distractions like the LDM (my youngest child the Little Demon Monkey), Meatspace emergencies, and my perfectionist attitude about my creative endeavors keep pushing it back.  Though since rearranging the house I’m going to see if i can rig up something to hold a couple quilts up and I think I might have softened my recording space enough to not get as bad an echo.  As far as content just the views of a geek living life and learning lessons from the Behind the 8 ball.  It’ll be me ranting, thinking, an audio version of  Random Pimpage something to get my mind off my fiction to get my fiction to flow better.  Me being me and just having fun.

7. Where did you get your sense of humor?

It’s a Mixture I get it some from Spiderman and some from the fact that my Maternal Gramma and My dad used to bicker like siblings.. well they were cousins (Actually I’m not kidding – Her mom died and her dad married my dad’s aunt but I am my own cousin 3 times removed by marriage I think?).  But they were both major smartasses –  I was never that good at physical conflict, (I’m big I’m strong but I’m afraid to hurt people on purpose unless protecting my family) so I had to find someway to avoid a fight if I could.  A Wisecrack at the right moment can cause someone to either crack up and forget about fighting, or cause them to hesitate long enough for a cheap shot and bolting like a rabbit.

Another thing is the most important lesson my maternal Gramma taught me is the best gift you can give is a smile.  Never the wrong size or style or color, they’re always needed, you can never have to many, they rarely cost a thing, and for one brief moment you brighten another’s life.  Sadly I have to say that because of that I enjoy the feeling I get when making people smile and I do it because I like that feeling.  As altruistic as I want to be I do it because I like how I feel at the end of the day when I can make people smile.

8. What did you do before you were a twitter celebrity?

Still waiting to be a twitter Celeb.  I’m just a geek working Helpdesk at a lawfirm telling Lawyers to reboot and helping them find the any key.

Just a guy living life the best I can and loving his wife and kids as long as God will let me.

Granted I am Amazed that I have the number of followers as I do, and I’m impressed at the numbers (though Low for some blogs out there it’s a lot more traffic than I thought I’d get) I get at Random Pimpage too.

Nate said this on February 5, 2010 at 12:39 pm

1 ) You’ve mentioned a very exciting home life. Can you describe the relationship you have with everyone in your household?

Household – Me, My Wife Misty, Our Son Zach (oldest child), Our Daughter Brittany (middle child), LDM (Little Demon Monkey our Youngest) – Zach and Britt are old enough to have an online presence so I have no problem actually naming them by name, but LDM is only 2, I’m protecting her privacy until she gets a little older. And I can’t forget our pets Cookie Gargantuan Cat, and Phoebe Mae our Italian Greyhound (think of a Greyhound little taller than a dachshund.)

Zach and Brit came with the marriage (they may not be mine biologically but I support them I’m there for the headache and heartache when they let me.  They are my kids we do not use the term “step” in my family unless we are describing the legal relationship)  I love them to death but they are teenagers so occasionally I want to strangle them to prove it.  They’ve had some issues in the past with Misty’s Ex, that makes it hard for them to trust another father figure especially one that has anger management issues.  I have never struck my wife or any of our kids in anger, I have spanked the children for correction.

Zach is too much like me for either of our own good.  We have a decent relationship most of the time, but he’s not overly fond of having to turn the Alpha Male spot over to me.  He’s used to being in a house where he can take whatever he wants whenever he wants, and not have to show respect.  Every few months we have a major blow out but they seem to be getting farther and farther apart.  He sometimes thinks I’m a controlling ass (thought he wont’ say it to my face I can see it in his eyes) even though I’m just trying to make sure he can handle himself in the real world after all in little over a month and a half he can walk out that door and I can’t stop him.

Britt is afraid of me when I lose my temper, she’s a very gentle soul and spooks easy.  She’s a lot brighter than she seems at first she has a good memory when she wants to.  She aggravates me because I’m not used to special needs kids but I’m trying to learn patience (but I’m part Irish.. yeah that doesn’t work so well),

LDM – She’s a holy terror that has figured out counting means drop what I’m doing and hide my butt.  She’s 2 she’s evil, she makes me really wish I had this time with my older two.  She’s only 2 so there isn’t a whole to report on, she watches a lot of Nick Jr. and Colors, and drinks milk and Juice and tear asses about the house.  Oh and she’s a little ham.

Misty – My Beloved wife.  She’s had some issues with her ex that makes it hard for her to trust, and has given her some very major jealousy issues (she has come MILES since we have been married and I applaud her on the effort)  For the most part we have a good relationship, but we come from different worlds, so there are a lot of fights that stem from miscommunication.  We just don’t see the world exactly in the same way, she wants to see the best in people I’m a bitter cynical fuck trying to figure out the angle of the person smiling at me.  I’m also silly goof and just act up in public to embarrass her and the kids.

Not sure if that was exactly what you were looking for.

2 ) How is it you don’t have a podcast?

Laziness, Perfectionism , short attention span and poor house layout.  Too Lazy to move the furniture around so that I don’t have as bad of sound reflection.  (recently that has changed so that’s two birds one stone) I have an issue with being a perfectionist when it comes to my fiction, and to the Podcast that I’ve been prepping to do for a while.  But I’m either getting an H2 or a Mic and Stand rigging up some baffling to kill more reflection, and the Behind the 8 Podcast should be up sometime int he somwhat near future I’m gonna have to take it from Mur It’s gonna suck, I’m not Mozart I’m not gonna leap out of hte box with a fully formed perfect cast I gotta work at it and break things to learn how to do it right.  Better done than perfect.

3 ) Could Boba Fett defeat Chuck Norris?

They couldn’t show you the truth in the prequels.  Jango Fett was really Chuck Norris, so all the clone troopers and Boba were all Chuck Norris clones, they used an actor that looked nothing like Chuck Norris because they didn’t want to cause a global scare about that much ass kicking power at in the hands of Palpatine.

4 ) What is the fastest land mammal?

That would be either dickeadicuscrotchrocketis or midlifecisisdudicus.  If you’re talking about powered solely by their own power and not in a vehicle I’d have to say my pets when it’s time to go to the vet.  They lapped the fucking cheetah!!

5 ) You’ve mentioned that LDM is a special child. How exactly is she special?

LDM is my youngest. I. don’t recall mentioning her as special (well beyond any child being special to their parent), just ohnrey too smart for my own good and evil… dammit she’s just like her pops.  My older daughter Brittany is a special needs child.  She’s been diagnosed with ADHD, and she has some other developmental / learning issues.

6 ) Windows or Mac?

Windows but only because I’m a helpdesk geek in a all windows shop.  Havent’ had time to play with Linux, last time I touched a Mac on Purpose was in 1991 in HS for a class.  Wait no I did help a firend move back in the mid to late nineties and she was a satanist… er Mac user.  Seriously Soon as I can get a check from my creative endeavors large enough for me to by a Mac Laptop outright I will.

7 ) If you were a dinosaur, what kind of dinosaur would you be?

I guess being Abe Vigoda wouldn’t be bad or are we not talking that kind of Diino?  Seriously though well if we go solely by size and temperament likely a Ankylosaurus, though I’d rather be a Troodon becasue they were thought to be the most intelligent of the Dinos.

8 )Why do you pick podcasts for “Random” pimpage?

Why do I pick Podcasts or why do I pick the Podcasts I do?

Why Podcasts – because that’s my main medium of entertainment now.

Why do I pick the Podcasts that I do – Because I think there are a ton of good podcasts out there that people might pass by without giving it the proper attention, God (or in your case I guess Cthulhu) knows that I’ve done that, Truthfully had it not been for twitter and the podcasting community there I’d have missed Tumbler – which was a hell of a good story btw, and I might still be looking at the Golden Age of the Solar Clipper and saying maybe after I finish catching up on this cast or that cast.

Brand Gamblin said this on February 8, 2010 at 10:26 pm

Answers to 8 Question Reversal Part 1

Okay here are the answers to the questions from Wintyr Bourne aka @WintyrBourne on twitter , karenfrommentor aka @karenfrommentor on twitter, Scott Roche aka @SpiritualTramp on twitter,  kmaimer aka @KMLaw on twitter.  Really Fun and intersting Questions Guys Thanks.

1: Who are you and what have you done with my Iguana?

Just a Smartass who wishes to Weigh in onthe world… and I thought that was teh tunafish my wife packed for me for lunch today… if it’s any consolation he was tasty with Mayo on Whole Grain Wheat.

2: is it just me or is Cog Antonello hawt?!

Ummm I’ll have to guess it’s just you, girls that can kick my ass with both arms and both legs tied behind their back and locked in steamer trunk and buried in molten lead scare me not “thrill me” but she is pretty damn cool otherwise.

3: Can you recomend a good place from which to rent a singularity at a reasonable price?

Sadly no Honest Earl’s the place I normally rent mine from recently was closed down, something about inappropriate use of midgets in sheep costumes… I really don’t want to ask his wife the details… but I understand that in Communist Russia Singularity rents you….

4: should Garfield be electrocuted, beheaded, hanged, or buried alive?

He’s my favorite member of the Teen Titans I’d do no such thing… oh you mean the cat?  Umm I think he should be sodomized with Nermal, not by but With, then baked in an oven at 325 Degrees for 3 hours basted with a white wine reduction then served at a PETA dinner.

5: given that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared, is there any chance that David Guilmore will ever tour the U.S. Now that Rick Wright is dead?

No… it’s in his contract that the remaining living Beatles and their offspring must peel strictly 1 Billion tonnes of yellow M&M’s for him before he’ll tour, and frankly Paul just won’t get with the program and keeps peeling Orange instead.

6: Why 42 and not 7 or 1066?

Because that’d just be silly, 7 what kind of answer is 7…and 1066 sounds like an insurance claim…

7: Is there any truth to the rumor that Barak Obama will admit his foreign birth at the end of his administration just to set the precedent for Arnold Schwartzebooger to run for POTUS?

Doubtful, since the real Barrack Obama was really an Alien Test Tube baby from Chiron Beta Prime and the Robot overlor.. er I mean Prootectors [REDACTED]

8: Should I quit driving a truck for a living and start building my custom car and aeroplane?

If you have enough money yeah sure go for it.  If you still need the funds you might want to hold off for a little bit before chucking it all to build your dream vehicle.  Luckily mines a Pogostick with a side car I can do that over a weekend if I have enough liquor…

Wintyr Bourne said this on February 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm


you know what they say…ask and ye shall receive….

1: belly button..inny or outie?


2: cheese whiz or whipped cream?

Depends on the purpose on my wife Whipped Cream on Nachos Cheeze Whiz… ona  slip and slide… vodka…

3: clouds or unicorns?

Again depends on the purpose… but more than likely Clouds

4: stranded on desert island…have battery powered dvd player and one season of lost washes ashore….irony or destiny?

Fate being a bitch again and kicking me square in the Jewels I beat that Addiction I’m not going back fate do you hear ME.. NEVER… well maybe because I do miss Hurley…. erm I mean NEVER!!!!

5: if you were a cartoon character how much would you be paid?

500,932 Sporks, and 5 Million cans of Spam an episode.

6: do you know where my left argyle sock is?[hint] I’ve looked in the dryer already.

Check behind the catbox they have a thing for Argyle while the do their business.

7: what do you think about passing a law that says everyone must wear bunny costumes on random wednesdays in February during the full moon?

Where do I vote for that?

Ah…8: Favorite make out song of all time? Or favorite stripper song…your choice…

Well I’ve been trying to talk Misty (My Wife and yes that is her real name) into doing a Lapdance for me to Hot for Teacher but she’s too embarrased.  As for Makeout song I have to go with Marvin Gaye, Let’s Get It On.

karenfrommentor said this on February 4, 2010 at 2:25 pm


1 ) What was your first computer?

Very First Casio Digital Wrist watch when I was 6– Actual Computer – Aquarius – All I could do was write basic and play a couple of games – I couldn’t even save my code – First REAL computer – Tandy 100 TX which was more like a calculator with an Ego It was a 286 that only ran at 8086 speeds.  Had to Jury rig it to accept a 10 MB HD.  My first REAL REAL Computer – home made from parts at a computer show when I was 22.

2 ) What do you fear most?

Failing my wife and kids on any level, financial, protective, spiritual, or emotional..

3 ) What is the highest height you’ve ever climbed under your own power?

Stairs – about 25 floors.. .my legs were Jello for the next week.  Tree – about 50 feet managed to get about 25 feet back down it before I slipped and woke up on the ground with my mother standing over me saying “RICHARD if you’ve killed yourself I’m going to beat your ass!!!” – Sadly I’m not joking about that last part either – Those that know my Ma know I’m telling the truth. She wasn’t abusive just part Irish.

4 ) Who was your favorite teacher and why?

Tossup – Mrs. Patricia Harris 9th Grade English and 12th Grade Creative Writing and Advanced Creative Writing, and Mr. Marion Kellum 11th Grade Drama and Advance Drama – For helping me with my creativity and giving me an outlet and helping me learn that any idea can be workshoppped.

5 ) What one song sums you up?

One song to sum me up… Man that is the hardest question I’ve had to answer yet.  I’d Like to say John Parr Man in Motion, or Matthew Wilder Break My Stride – but the reality is more like The Three Stooges Swing the Alphabet – Slightly educational but mostly just Silly.

6 ) What’s the first thing that you bought with your own money that cost more than $10?

Hound – Transformer g1 Jeep (Still my favorite toy I ever had because I earned the money for it and bought it on my own.)

7 ) What is your favorite guilty pleasure movie?

Well Cutting Edge would have to the only one I really can think about…  Yeah I like Chick Flicks yet my wife doesn’t.

8 ) Where would you travel to if money were no object?

The Countries that I’m descended from to see where my ancestors came from.

Scott Roche said this on February 4, 2010 at 2:42 pm


1. What would be the podcast you would most want to listen to – that you are not allowed to listen to now?

Honestly I don’t know.  There are so many podcasts that I have scheduled that I need to listen to for Random Pimpage that it really takes up the bulk of my time.  But Simply because I think Nobilis is a great guy and fun to talk with on Twitter I’d Have to say Nobilis’s Erotica Podcast.  I have a chance to review Pip with her other fiction, but I’m not sure Nobilis has anything that would be “Misty Safe”, and one think I love to do is Pimp the people I tweet with on a regular basis.

2. Do you prefer britney spears’ left or right boob?

Neither I prefer my boobs to be skank free.  And I only want Misty’s (which is kinda lucky as she’s my wife) If I start lusting after other boobs then I really don’t need to be married.  I enjoy my marriage, even the rocky parts because I get o be with the sexiest most wonderful woman I could ever dream of being with Misty Asplund – my wife.

3. Who is smuttier? Me or pip?

Dunno… You and Mick get close to mind bleach over twitter, but Pip does have the Audio Porn sorry Erotica Podcast.  I dunno, maybe you guys need to do a Smut off for Winner gets to listen Live as you and Pip try to out smut each other. – Why do I think I just suggested something that would easily pay for SB to go to Harvard and have a Library named after her…

4. Would you rather have a 15″ or 17″ MBP?

HP 17” – I don’t deal with those tools of the Devil.  Okay Seriously if I had to choose only a Mac Product 17” I’m a big guy I have a big lap I need a big laptop.  Other wise I look like a gorilla typing on a toy.

5. Would you rather date a goat or a sheep?

Well damn… since I love Gyros I guess I’d have to go with Goat because as far as I know I don’t eat any goat products… but then again with a sheep you can shear her and wear her wool around to remind you of her all the time… and I scare myself at how indepth I can get on a question like this off the top of my head….

6. What would you wear under a kilt?

I believe the proper response would be “what God gave ya and a long bladed knife strapped to your inner thigh”.  Though til I got used to a kilt I’d still wear my boxers to make sure I wasn’t showing the world what God gave me.  But in the private just for Misty.. hell yeah nothing. But kilt.

7. If you wanted to make one podcast disappear, which one would it be?

So far… none.  I cannot think of any Podcast I want to fall off the face of the Planet – Now after I finally Launch Behind the 8, I might want that one to disappear until I get it sounding good in my own mind.

8. Tee Morris or Mick Bordet?

For what?  To lead me on a Pirate Raid The Cap’n most sure me lass.  Tee in prolly most things actually – No Offense to Mick – He rocks and all but Tee is one of the podcasters I’ve been listening to longest.  It’s gonna be like a wrestling a donut from a cop or a porkchop from a pittbull to get Tee, Hutchins, Sigler, Lowell, or Holyfield out of my hands or off my Ipod.


🙂 have fun!


kmaimer said this on February 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm