Blog Archives

IT LIVES!!!

Like a zombie, RP is rising from the dead… Hopefully like a zombie and not a Final Destination or Saw Sequel.

 

Things are getting tweaked poked and prodded into shape.

My reviews will stand as I personally see things now and if it’s something I’ve reviewed in the past I’ll repost it from the vaults to show how time might have changed my views.

I’ve missed doing Random Pimpage.  I’ve missed having time to enjoy fiction in both dead tree, electronic and audio format.

 

So where the hell have I been.  Working – A lot, when I have my OT days I still have a 3 hour commute one way, when I get out on time my commute is shortened by an hour and as my health has been less then great recently I’ve been sleeping on the commute (train and bus not driving) and therefore have not been consuming creative content as I once was.  I’m not as bad off as I was so I’m starting to consume podcasts and print books again.  Which means my opinionated ass has something to say once again.  Some of the content I may be reviewing for a second time as I give a listen again to some old favorites and I’ll provide my view as I consume it now with a view of how I felt when I first partook of it’s splendor.

 

I’ll be resurrecting 8 questions if I have any creators out there that are willing to put up with them.  You should be seeing more of me in the coming week.

take it light and see you on the other side.

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State of the Dork Address

Hey Folx it’s your favorite slackass… That’d be me if i’m not your favorite slackass… well I’ll go cry in my beer later.

Gearing up to Try to get back into the pimpage again, yeah you’ve heard it before and likely will hear it again… hopefully not for a while and hopefully I’ll get back in the swing of things soon.

Ma isn’t doing well, so my head is not in a  good space right now she’s not eating which means she’s getting weaker her immune system is still tanked her medsd aren’t doing a fucking thing yet the doctors still insist she purchase them (If I find out that any of her docs are getting kickbacks on those useless drugs they refuse to take her off of even though they aren’t having any effect I’ll make sure they never practice medicine again if I have to chew their freaking fingers off to do so) She goes in Friday for a pic line (feeding line) so they can get nourishment in her and maybe some antibiotics – If her cardiologist signs off on it she goes in to have about 75% of her colon removed and the rest resectioned on the 8th.  My Ma’s health has been part of the family drama that has had me on the sidelines most of the year between that and issues with my 18 year old it’s been a dramatic year… have I mentioned I hate Drama.

Things are starting to wind down I hope to start making semi regular posts this month but we all know how many times I’ve said that in the past.

If you could spare a moment and send some positive thoughts or prayers or white light ( or whatever your belief or lack thereof system uses) my ma’s way I appreciate it greatly.  Her name is Shirley Asplund.  She’s the toughest person I know and she’s in the most agony I’ve ever seen her.

At this stage I wish her peace and to be free of pain… Whether in life or death, I just want her suffering to end, you bet your ass I’d prefer in life if I can have it, but I’m not that selfish of a prick to demand my mother live in agony just because I can’t let go.

Not an Excuse – An Explanation and an apology.

Yeah I was supposed to come back strong this summer and get my chubby ass back on track and it didn’t happen.  Without going into details, Life got in the way I had decisions to make between writing and crits vs life drama, and sadly drama won.  Some of it was important, some of it was crap that I should have just brushed aside and gotten back to work but at that point I was so thoroughly out of the habit that it was far easier to just flop on the couch and daze than think.

For that I apologize.  I get distracted very easy, and if I’ve been away from things too long drop me a line and bust my chops about when the next post / review / pimpage is coming out.

I do plan on getting back on track both with Pimpage, and my Accountability.  Summer kinda sucked my will to be responsible this year and that’s not an acceptable excuse, I’m sorry that I let laziness creep in and hold sway this summer all I can say is I will do my best to keep up  with my responsibilities that I undertook of my own free will.  Nobody made me start a blog but I really do need to keep up with it.

Harrass me at @RAsplundJr on twitter or here on the blog when I start slacking.

Going Dark

There are some things I need to address in meatspace and while I’m addressing them my creative efforts will be taking a break.

Nobody is Ill or Injured, there is no major earth shattering issue that needs support from the community. – There are just some things I need to take care of for my family’s sake and my own so my energies are better focused there than finding media to review, or working on my own creative efforts.

Thanks for your understanding, and patience at this time.

I plan to return, just not sure when.

8 Questions with Pip Ballantine

It’s Monday again boys and squirrels and other woodland creatures that we cannot mention due to a gag order from PETA ( I swear eat one fried platypus and they brand you for life….) and no I don’t mean it ‘s time for it to put the lotion in the basket or it gets the fire hose (That was yesterday… erm nevermind) It’s time for another round of 8 Questions – This week we feature Philippa “Pip” Ballantine – The Podiosphere’s favorite saucy flightless bird or small furry banana strawberry thing you choose.

1 ) What’s one thing we Americans take for granted about New Zealand that really frustrates you?

Actually Americans don’t really know enough about New Zealand to take much for granted. The one thing people do know about us is what they have seen in Lord of the Rings. New Zealand is that beautiful, and that empty. (A country the size of Great Britain, but with only 4 million people in it) but it does have more than that. It’s something that you can’t explain, you have to come visit. (Honestly I am not working for Tourism New Zealand)
2 ) What’s next podcast wise after Digital Magic finishes it’s run?

It will be the anthology series set in the world of Geist. I am not quite sure how many people I will have involved in it, but I am hoping lots of other podcasters will be excited to join me in. I am looking forward to exploring the world.
3 ) When did you start writing and Why?  Do you remember that “1st” story?

I first started writing when I was about thirteen, and I guess I started because I was a voracious reader. I read all my Dad’s books and thought ‘I can do that’. My first book was a story about a woman haunted by some demonic creatures she could only see out of the corner of her eye. Which is interesting, because elements of that are in Geist.
4 ) Erotica Ala Carte got booted out of Itunes after the 1st Episode.  Did that fluster or flatter you?

I think that happened because itunes was clearing the literature category of anything sexual. I am not sure why (because itunes never communicate or respond) but it doesn’t seem to have effected the numbers of listeners. I was actually kind of impressed!

5 ) Why Erotica?

Why not? 🙂 Actually I did it because I was afraid of erotica. I think a writer should be always able to write what the story requires. Sex reveals a lot about the characters, and can be a plot point as well.  I didn’t like the fact that I was shutting the bedroom door all the time. So like a good, stubborn person I decided to face my fears. I’m pretty happy with the result.

6 ) How did you get into Podcasting?

Tee Morris. Enough said? 🙂
He was my colleague at DragonMoon Press and he was always banging on about the joy of podcasting- little did I know that it would be so addictive.
7 ) Why are New Zealanders called Kiwis?

Many people think it is the fruit, but it started long before NZ started growing them. It’s the bird- though why we nicknamed ourselves after a nocturnal, flightless bird I cannot say. I think it has something to do with World War I and regimental crests or some such.

8 ) Were you able to pull a deal with Ace like Sigler was able to do with Crown to allow you to podcast Geist and it’s sequel?

Unfortunately not. The anthology deal was the best we could do. I think publishing is slowly coming around to the idea, but it is still a work in progress. We’ll have to see how that pans out.
** Okay since some of the questions have more than one part technically this is more than 8 questions but meh…..

Bonus Questions – You don’t have to answer these but you can if you want.
b1 ) What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

I wouldn’t know, all our birds are flightless
b2 ) 42 is the answer but what is the question?

At what age does a man mature like a fine cheese
b3 ) If at first you don’t succeed _____________ (fill in the Blank)

If at first you don’t succeed keep podcasting

Pip can be found online at her own site http://www.pjballantine.com/

Pip is also organizing the Boom Effect Auction a benefit for Sonic Boom http://www.theboomeffect.org/

And of course on twitter as @PhilippaJane

Pimp From Valhalla Preview

Rich:  Hey Odin didja hear about the crazy kiwi trying to auction off a sonic boom what the hell is up with that?

Odin:  No man you got it all wrong  it’s not like that at all.  What Pip Ballentine is trying to do is raise money for Tee Morris’s daughter, Sonic Boom.  Yeah it’s over at theboomefect.org.

Rich: Really let me go check that out… (Five checks of twitter, Skype and Facebook later Who hoo I found a lonely bull) DUDE!!!   Some chick in Austria is auctioning off Mozart’s Balls dipped in chocolate?

Odin:  That has to be some crazy Austrian let me check that out – What the heck is Marzipan?  And why would they be stuffing his balls with Marzipan.

Rich: Some kind of weird European embalming method?

Odin: I don’t’ know about you man but I have no desire to put a dead composers chocolate dippes sack in my mouth.  Look at that she has a proxy bid in already for $25

Rich: Considering how talented he was I’d figure they’d go for more.

Odin: Only if you were a very big fan, and I’m not going there.

Rich: Well you know that Napoleon’s Penis went for over two Million.  That’s a lot of scratch for Bonaparte’s Boner.

Odin: Look here’s a guy that wants Fans to lead the charge.

Rich: Get yourself a cheerleader… nah man I’ll pass I think Misty might get a little upset if I got myself a cheerleader.

Odin: Yeah I think my Lady Queen might have some issues with that as well.

Rich: Wait no it’s a cheerleader to lead the charge on the front lines.  Misty might be all for that.  Give me a B Give me a U Give me a L Give me a *POW* Oh wait I guess she didn’t mean a real bullet.

Odin: Backseat Producers Package?  Talking about your package in the back seat that’s a recipe for disaster.

Rich: What we don’t even rate a casting couch?  What are they driving around the neighborhood in a van with signs for Free Puppies, Free Candy, and Movie Production Critique?  They didn’t have Puppies!!

Odin: And the candy wasn’t even anything I wanted!

Rich: Yeah what’s the deal with the chunky bars… I know I’m a big guy but I won’t even touch that.  Raisins in candy… that’s just wrong.  Whoa! Hey some dude in Texas wants to strip us!

Odin:  If you’ve ever been to Texas you wouldn’t find that too unusual.  Man and he wants us to pay him to do it.

Rich: Your Very own Pocket Ninja?

Odin: Might want to keep that one in the shirt pocket, Especially if he gets kicky.

Rich: Yeah Ninja kicked in the junk doesn’t sound that appealing.  Yeah no ninjas near my nuts.

Odin: Neither with swords nor kicks nor knife hand strikes.

Odin: And Look here There’s a chance to become a Dead Robot.

Rich: What are they gonna do rebuild they have the technology to make us better than we were before better stronger faster more creative?

Odin: Well I could use a replacement eye.

Here’s another we go from Dead Robots to being made into Zombies.  If someone is gonna be biting on me I get to pick who it is.

Rich: Hmm undeath or bionics…

Odin: Yeah I’d go with the bionics every time.  It’s all fun and games until your ear rots off.

Rich: yeah that’s an awkward party moment, umm dude you left your ear in the guacamole… that’s not guacamole it’s brain dip!!  Oh hey look at this two losers are offering up two reviews in one packages.. how pathetic can you…

Odin: Umm Rich that’s us…

Rich: What… DAMMIT!!!

** On a More Serious note…

The auctions made fun of are actual listings, for the REAL scoop on the auctions check out their Links Below.

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=373 Mozart Balls

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=167 Become a Dead Robot

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=325 Fan to lead the charge in your podcast project

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=377 Back Seat Producers

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=398 Be Stripped by TRReed

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=343 Pocket Ninja

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=284 Become a Zombie

http://www.theboomeffect.org/?p=329 Two Reviews in One Package

More about the auctions the ones we’ve poked fun at here plus many many others can be found at the main site for the Boom Effect located on the web at –  http://theboomeffectg.org – Benefit for Tee Morris’s daughter Sonic Boom to help take care of the costs of raising a child alone and give her a brighter future.  The Auction is slated for February 27th 2010 10:00 AM EST to 3:00 PM EST live on Ustream Channel – http://www.ustream.tv/channel/theboomeffect – The Boom Effect- raising money for Sonic Boom’s Future. Nothing can replace her mother, but we’re going to give her options.

If you can’t make the auction you can place Proxy bids on http://theboomeffectg.org or you can leave donations using the Chipin widget located at the main site as well.

Thank you

Sincerely Odin1Eye and Rasplundjr

Behind the 8 Podcast – Gearing up for a Podcast

The original idea behind Random Pimpage and 8 Questions stems from the Behind the 8 Podcast that I’ve been wanting to start up for a couple of years now.  With the new laptop here and an H2 on the way it looks like it may become a reality sooner than I expected.  I’m going to take advice from some of the greats out there and not post the first one until I have a buffer of at least 4 or 5 finished podcasts ready for post.  I’m always willing to learn more about Podcasting from those that have made it great.

Behind the 8 is gonna be a lot like a long form of following me on twitter.  It’s gonna be filled with Rich’s Rants, Pimpage, 8 Questions and life lessons learned from a life spent living behind the 8 Ball all with a healthy dose of the mad viking’s humor and sarcasm and hopefully it will be just as entertaining.  One feature that I wanted to do has been Two Fat Guys on a Couch Media Review – Reviews for the rest of us.  I just need to find another fat guy to help out with that feature.

If you’d be interested in the podcast leave a comment.  If you think i suck and that you’d rather stuff your ears with fire ants coated in flesh eating bacteria than listen to me… well you can piss up a rope but leave a comment first.  Advice?  Offers of help?  Willingness to be a guest or interviewee, again please leave a comment

Answers to 8 Question Reversal Part 1

Okay here are the answers to the questions from Wintyr Bourne aka @WintyrBourne on twitter , karenfrommentor aka @karenfrommentor on twitter, Scott Roche aka @SpiritualTramp on twitter,  kmaimer aka @KMLaw on twitter.  Really Fun and intersting Questions Guys Thanks.

1: Who are you and what have you done with my Iguana?

Just a Smartass who wishes to Weigh in onthe world… and I thought that was teh tunafish my wife packed for me for lunch today… if it’s any consolation he was tasty with Mayo on Whole Grain Wheat.

2: is it just me or is Cog Antonello hawt?!

Ummm I’ll have to guess it’s just you, girls that can kick my ass with both arms and both legs tied behind their back and locked in steamer trunk and buried in molten lead scare me not “thrill me” but she is pretty damn cool otherwise.

3: Can you recomend a good place from which to rent a singularity at a reasonable price?

Sadly no Honest Earl’s the place I normally rent mine from recently was closed down, something about inappropriate use of midgets in sheep costumes… I really don’t want to ask his wife the details… but I understand that in Communist Russia Singularity rents you….

4: should Garfield be electrocuted, beheaded, hanged, or buried alive?

He’s my favorite member of the Teen Titans I’d do no such thing… oh you mean the cat?  Umm I think he should be sodomized with Nermal, not by but With, then baked in an oven at 325 Degrees for 3 hours basted with a white wine reduction then served at a PETA dinner.

5: given that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared, is there any chance that David Guilmore will ever tour the U.S. Now that Rick Wright is dead?

No… it’s in his contract that the remaining living Beatles and their offspring must peel strictly 1 Billion tonnes of yellow M&M’s for him before he’ll tour, and frankly Paul just won’t get with the program and keeps peeling Orange instead.

6: Why 42 and not 7 or 1066?

Because that’d just be silly, 7 what kind of answer is 7…and 1066 sounds like an insurance claim…

7: Is there any truth to the rumor that Barak Obama will admit his foreign birth at the end of his administration just to set the precedent for Arnold Schwartzebooger to run for POTUS?

Doubtful, since the real Barrack Obama was really an Alien Test Tube baby from Chiron Beta Prime and the Robot overlor.. er I mean Prootectors [REDACTED]

8: Should I quit driving a truck for a living and start building my custom car and aeroplane?

If you have enough money yeah sure go for it.  If you still need the funds you might want to hold off for a little bit before chucking it all to build your dream vehicle.  Luckily mines a Pogostick with a side car I can do that over a weekend if I have enough liquor…

Wintyr Bourne said this on February 4, 2010 at 1:53 pm

*****

you know what they say…ask and ye shall receive….

1: belly button..inny or outie?

Innie.

2: cheese whiz or whipped cream?

Depends on the purpose on my wife Whipped Cream on Nachos Cheeze Whiz… ona  slip and slide… vodka…

3: clouds or unicorns?

Again depends on the purpose… but more than likely Clouds

4: stranded on desert island…have battery powered dvd player and one season of lost washes ashore….irony or destiny?

Fate being a bitch again and kicking me square in the Jewels I beat that Addiction I’m not going back fate do you hear ME.. NEVER… well maybe because I do miss Hurley…. erm I mean NEVER!!!!

5: if you were a cartoon character how much would you be paid?

500,932 Sporks, and 5 Million cans of Spam an episode.

6: do you know where my left argyle sock is?[hint] I’ve looked in the dryer already.

Check behind the catbox they have a thing for Argyle while the do their business.

7: what do you think about passing a law that says everyone must wear bunny costumes on random wednesdays in February during the full moon?

Where do I vote for that?

Ah…8: Favorite make out song of all time? Or favorite stripper song…your choice…

Well I’ve been trying to talk Misty (My Wife and yes that is her real name) into doing a Lapdance for me to Hot for Teacher but she’s too embarrased.  As for Makeout song I have to go with Marvin Gaye, Let’s Get It On.

karenfrommentor said this on February 4, 2010 at 2:25 pm

*****

1 ) What was your first computer?

Very First Casio Digital Wrist watch when I was 6– Actual Computer – Aquarius – All I could do was write basic and play a couple of games – I couldn’t even save my code – First REAL computer – Tandy 100 TX which was more like a calculator with an Ego It was a 286 that only ran at 8086 speeds.  Had to Jury rig it to accept a 10 MB HD.  My first REAL REAL Computer – home made from parts at a computer show when I was 22.

2 ) What do you fear most?

Failing my wife and kids on any level, financial, protective, spiritual, or emotional..

3 ) What is the highest height you’ve ever climbed under your own power?

Stairs – about 25 floors.. .my legs were Jello for the next week.  Tree – about 50 feet managed to get about 25 feet back down it before I slipped and woke up on the ground with my mother standing over me saying “RICHARD if you’ve killed yourself I’m going to beat your ass!!!” – Sadly I’m not joking about that last part either – Those that know my Ma know I’m telling the truth. She wasn’t abusive just part Irish.

4 ) Who was your favorite teacher and why?

Tossup – Mrs. Patricia Harris 9th Grade English and 12th Grade Creative Writing and Advanced Creative Writing, and Mr. Marion Kellum 11th Grade Drama and Advance Drama – For helping me with my creativity and giving me an outlet and helping me learn that any idea can be workshoppped.

5 ) What one song sums you up?

One song to sum me up… Man that is the hardest question I’ve had to answer yet.  I’d Like to say John Parr Man in Motion, or Matthew Wilder Break My Stride – but the reality is more like The Three Stooges Swing the Alphabet – Slightly educational but mostly just Silly.

6 ) What’s the first thing that you bought with your own money that cost more than $10?

Hound – Transformer g1 Jeep (Still my favorite toy I ever had because I earned the money for it and bought it on my own.)

7 ) What is your favorite guilty pleasure movie?

Well Cutting Edge would have to the only one I really can think about…  Yeah I like Chick Flicks yet my wife doesn’t.

8 ) Where would you travel to if money were no object?

The Countries that I’m descended from to see where my ancestors came from.

Scott Roche said this on February 4, 2010 at 2:42 pm

*****

1. What would be the podcast you would most want to listen to – that you are not allowed to listen to now?

Honestly I don’t know.  There are so many podcasts that I have scheduled that I need to listen to for Random Pimpage that it really takes up the bulk of my time.  But Simply because I think Nobilis is a great guy and fun to talk with on Twitter I’d Have to say Nobilis’s Erotica Podcast.  I have a chance to review Pip with her other fiction, but I’m not sure Nobilis has anything that would be “Misty Safe”, and one think I love to do is Pimp the people I tweet with on a regular basis.

2. Do you prefer britney spears’ left or right boob?

Neither I prefer my boobs to be skank free.  And I only want Misty’s (which is kinda lucky as she’s my wife) If I start lusting after other boobs then I really don’t need to be married.  I enjoy my marriage, even the rocky parts because I get o be with the sexiest most wonderful woman I could ever dream of being with Misty Asplund – my wife.

3. Who is smuttier? Me or pip?

Dunno… You and Mick get close to mind bleach over twitter, but Pip does have the Audio Porn sorry Erotica Podcast.  I dunno, maybe you guys need to do a Smut off for theboomeffect.org Winner gets to listen Live as you and Pip try to out smut each other. – Why do I think I just suggested something that would easily pay for SB to go to Harvard and have a Library named after her…

4. Would you rather have a 15″ or 17″ MBP?

HP 17” – I don’t deal with those tools of the Devil.  Okay Seriously if I had to choose only a Mac Product 17” I’m a big guy I have a big lap I need a big laptop.  Other wise I look like a gorilla typing on a toy.

5. Would you rather date a goat or a sheep?

Well damn… since I love Gyros I guess I’d have to go with Goat because as far as I know I don’t eat any goat products… but then again with a sheep you can shear her and wear her wool around to remind you of her all the time… and I scare myself at how indepth I can get on a question like this off the top of my head….

6. What would you wear under a kilt?

I believe the proper response would be “what God gave ya and a long bladed knife strapped to your inner thigh”.  Though til I got used to a kilt I’d still wear my boxers to make sure I wasn’t showing the world what God gave me.  But in the private just for Misty.. hell yeah nothing. But kilt.

7. If you wanted to make one podcast disappear, which one would it be?

So far… none.  I cannot think of any Podcast I want to fall off the face of the Planet – Now after I finally Launch Behind the 8, I might want that one to disappear until I get it sounding good in my own mind.

8. Tee Morris or Mick Bordet?

For what?  To lead me on a Pirate Raid The Cap’n most sure me lass.  Tee in prolly most things actually – No Offense to Mick – He rocks and all but Tee is one of the podcasters I’ve been listening to longest.  It’s gonna be like a wrestling a donut from a cop or a porkchop from a pittbull to get Tee, Hutchins, Sigler, Lowell, or Holyfield out of my hands or off my Ipod.

———–

🙂 have fun!

Katharina

kmaimer said this on February 4, 2010 at 4:47 pm

Rising from the ashes….

Hey playing with fireworks next to a gas line can cause issues who knew?

But seriously I’ve had some Hard Drive issues mine is a paperweight so Until I can get some of the things I was planning on reviewing downloaded on my old clunker of a laptop and or a replacement drive and my current laptop back up and limping (I’m not that aarogant to think that any of my computers can “run with all the crap I put them through) this spot may be a little bare….  I have to find my notes for my 8 Qs, and get the next one posted up – I should be able to get this done today or tomorrow depending on work and fam – Hey 2 teens a toddler and a wife need a LOT of attention… so do the cat and the dog and they just take it… Cesar Milan take me away….

I’m not getting lazy… I already am lazy… er I mean I’ll get more content up here as soon as I possibly can – in the meantime remember to chip in for SB’s trust http://is.gd/6K4M4 ,and support the Boom Effect Auction http://www.theboomeffect.org/ (There is some seriously freaking cool stuff over there)

You guys are awesome, keep the love alive.

I’m reminded of the words of a very wise man that once said to me, “Look freak do you NOT understand the meaning of the words RESTRAINING ORDER?  Get the hell away from me.”  Dad was always such a kidder, if anyone spots him tell him I said Hi.

What do you want to see in Random Pimpage

Okay  folks I’m looking to you my viewers to see what you want to see out of Random Pimpage.